The Wonderful Time Express

Mar 1


"That hit real close to home with me,"
she said to me not verbally.
Then silence fell over our lunch,
And I knew that I’d fucked up a bunch.
I asked one time and asked again.
She’d not be bothered by it then.
So when we’d gotten to my place,
I decided, “give her space.”
A cold goodbye. A restless mind.
To message her, I was inclined.
And so we talked about my words,
And where they caused her heart discord.
So talk we did, the ending, see,
No longer hurt, but instead, glee.
For such an issue solved so quick,
I’m now confident in my pick.

Long live the inconsiderate folk who put their petty goals above the living situations of others. This is, in fact, why we cannot have nice things.

Perhaps the most well-concealed myth of all time

From the day we begin to profess how we want to do our own thing (and be our own people), we’re told that 18 is the age of freedom. However, is anything really free? I feel like I can’t do so much as take a crap without somebody getting on my case for it (this actually happened less than a week ago).
I graduated high school back in 2007. I was 17 years old at the time. I was a mediocre student who was unwilling to put any effort into my classes. “They’re boring and uninteresting,” I believed every year, more and more. This attitude led me to graduating with a pitiful 2.0 GPA, and no chance in hell at getting into a half decent college.
For years now, I’ve been on the work force. In place of a car, I rode my bike 20 miles a day to get to and from work. In place of a good paying job, I worked two minimum-wage jobs at a time for several years as a means to try supporting myself (I found very quickly that 40 hours a week wasn’t as much money as I’d hoped). Eventually, I ended up with an apartment. Rather than coming with new freedoms though, I felt mine being stripped from month to month (living with a sibling is something I would never ever recommend based on my experience). I was bound by a set of rules that was dictated by one person in the household, eventually losing even my right to have company over.
So I moved, and I worked some more. After a year passed, I found myself back at my parents’ house, where I was given the smallest room in the house. Luckily, I’d been carrying around my little twin mattress with me, so I was able to sleep without taking up much space.
A year and a half pass, and I’m finally in a position to move out. Of course, I take it. After a month of painful, dull unemployment, I was feeling adventurous, after all. Within a 12 month span of that, so many people had issues with the way I liked things (I feel that most people are completely unwilling to compromise) that I ended up moving another four times before I finally had a stable living situation, six months ago. 
Let’s face facts here, my entire adult life as of yet has been insane. My life revolves around work. Due to my work schedule, I’m nary allowed to hang out with my friends at normal times. Furthermore, since starting school last week, I’ve become impossible to get a hold of.
I guess I’m bringing this to the fact that I feel a lot of people don’t fully take what another person is going through into account when they feel the need to demand change.
“I need to shit.”

"One of my roommates tried kicking my friends out. I got pissed, I drank, and I ended up resolving the issue because I was able to put myself at ease."
“You need to prioritize your life.”

To any of you out there, we all have things we deal with. Life is tough. Circumstances arise that we couldn’t possibly expect. We probably don’t fully know everything one another deals with because it’s easier not to talk about it. I can guarantee you this, though. It’s far harder than you probably think. Unless you’ve walked in my shoes, don’t chastise my way of life. It’s how I’ve gotten by this long, and I really don’t need anymore freedoms taken from me. It kind of sucks, friends.
I apologize for the passive aggression, but I needed to get this off my chest. Ignorantly demanding for change in someone else’s life is not a good way to approach me. I like thinking I’m free, and I refuse to be controlled by anything any of my friends say. After all, we’re in the land of the free, are we not?

Inner turmoil

One week of sorrow
Three months of hatred.
A year of misfortune,
And another half of insanity.
Yet, after sorrow passed, there were almost two years of tranquility behind the hatred.
The misfortune.
The insanity.
It only takes one week to conjure up the raw emotion I felt that day.
It only takes one day to think about how miserable I felt at that moment.
It only takes one conversation to remind me how much you meant to me.
It only takes one sentence to tear me apart in ways you probably don’t know.
I want to scream.
To scream so loudly that I won’t have a voice for you to listen to tomorrow.
So loudly that this entire city would hear it.
But that would just be senseless.
Nearly two years of peace, and my world is now in disarray after five minutes.
Is this what it’s like to yearn for affection? To wish that loneliness could be banished?
Or have I simply gone mad this time?



God is dead and we killed him


God is dead and we killed him



I don’t think you understand how accurate this is.

this is so relevant it hurts.

Me in a month.

(Source: brookeyfbaby)

Thought of the year

As we all wake to celebrate Thanksgiving, take a few moments to ponder on this, and really think.

Of 365 days in 75% of calendar years, we have only one where we display our thanks for all that we have. For the record, that’s anywhere between 0.25-0.33% of an entire year. Now, the cynic in me believes that most thanks are stated subconsciously, and therefore, not heartfelt. Even today, there’s a part of me that believes that the meaning of the holiday slips by some people.
Think about the fact that you woke up today.
Think about how low the chances were of you being born.
Think of all of the luxuries available today (and to any of you reading this).
Today (and ideally, forward from this date), really think about everything you have to be thankful for, and instead of giving a the time a fleeting thought gets, give it a minute. You might just find that certain possessions might make you appreciate certain people, and that your life is more full than you know.

With that, everyone have a safe and happy Thanksgiving, and enjoy some turkey as long as you aren’t vegetarian or vegan.
Signing off,

The Trigger

"Do it."

It sounded like such a simple task to accomplish just a minute ago. 

Now in the room, the body trembles, fear rises, the hand refuses to move. 

"What are you waiting for?" 

The mind yells at the self, insulting it. The self becomes loathsome, absorbed in self hatred. The body hesitates.

"Weren’t you eager for freedom? Pull. Now." 

I’m sure that I used to be so free. The index quivers, breath comes short, but not for long. 

"That’s it…" 

The hammer is pulled. The handgrip is firmly clutched. The barrel rests against the temple. 

"Just a little more. There’s nothing to be afraid of." 

The trigger is squeezed, yet no noise. The body remains standing, confused. 

"Was that really so hard?" 

Having had a death threat simulated, the body stops fearing death, and the mind aspires to live a more full life. 

2013 in review thus far

Where to begin though? I’ve shared moderately depressing poems with you folks in the last week or so. Most of you see me on a semi-regular basis, so probably don’t really care to read. However, I feel like writing, and so I must. 

Let’s talk 2013.

I can’t tell if this year has gone by incredibly quickly or slowly. To think “Wow, it’s already September!” or “Jesus, I can’t imagine anything else happening this year, but so much time remains.” I’m also beginning to wonder if I should coin 23 an unlucky number on my own accord. 

Here’s a month-by-month account of my year so far (with some pretty big omissions that don’t need to be brought up):

The year has been… We’ll use “insane.” That’s actually appropriate. If there was a single time where I was lacking one person in my life, everything could have gone to hell in a matter of hours, really. 

Due to dating a minor, I lost five friends in January. At the same time as a rift was created between my best friend and myself by his mom, both of whom I was living with. 

My relationship ended, and I lost my opportunity to move to Seattle in February (talk about a double whammy, eh?). However, I saw Muse (who are my favorite band) live. That made up pretty well for the crap I’d already dealt with.

My best friend stopped talking to me altogether in March, and I was evicted from his and his mother’s house in March. Luckily, I found a place to go the same night (that was incredibly stressful. I was also called in for a 12-hour overnight work shift, so I didn’t have much planning time for that). I also met a girl that month who would become an amazing friend, and comfort me in times of my seemingly endless loneliness. 

April was actually a really chilled out month. I had a break from all the crazy, and just worked. 

I signed a lease for a new apartment in May, and planned a trip to Texas. Directly after these commitments, my work halved my hours due to the contract of the post I worked at. 

In June, I took a one week vacation to Texas. This is actually the turning point of a lot of things. I’m sure everyone is tired of hearing it by now, but I had an incredible time there. Long story short, I saw friends I hadn’t seen in years, made some new friends, and didn’t have a single thing to worry about “back home.” I also spent my 24th birthday there. My confidence as a person boosted tremendously, and I finally learned to think well of myself. Upon returning, I moved into the new apartment, fell into debt due to low hours, and was horribly depressed to be back in Florida. I eventually learned to turn the sadness into a drive to succeed, and to get out of this place. After all, I have dreams to follow. 

At the end of July, work finally picked back up for me. Instead of the measly 24 hours I was working, I was bumped up to 60 hours a week (which is a schedule I’m still on). 

In August, I bought tickets for a concert called Distant Worlds which is a Final Fantasy concert that will be in November. At the end of the month, I also succeeded in paying off the debt I’d fallen into from the scarce hours. 

And now, September. I’m finally living comfortably, and this is the first time that there wasn’t any bickering with whoever I chose as roommate. Life at the apartment is absolutely peaceful, everything is clean and organized, the place finally feels like a home, and the both of us are getting consistent hours with our respective jobs. I’ll actually be applying for school and financial aid in about eight hours.

There are good things coming in life. I just have to take action. I know all of my hiragana in my Japanese studies, and now I need to learn my katakana. Once those are done, I’m hoping I’ll be able to understand how grammar works, so that in reading, I might have a clue what I’m saying if I’m to read aloud. I’m not sure if I mentioned this in a previous post, but I do plan to go to Japan as an English teacher one day. All in due time, it’ll work out as long as I’m diligent in my efforts. I’ll keep you all updated on that, and better updated on my life in the coming months. I’ve been a ghost to a lot of people this year, and I’m finally taking my place back in a spotlight (funny enough, it wasn’t until I had no time off that I actually felt popular). 

With plans for the future as grand as they are, it’s high time to get my show on the road. I’ll be hoping that I’m off of this peninsula by January 2016. 

Until I write again, Tumblrweeds. 




fixed it

I love this show!!!!

(Source: )